A. Verse
and Tafsir Al-Qur'an About Divorce
Surat
An Nisa 'verse 130
حَكِيمً وَٰسِعًا ٱللَّهُ وَكَانَ سَعَتِهِۦ مِّن كُلًّا
ٱللَّهُ يُغْنِ يَتَفَرَّقَا وَإِن
That is:
If
they separate, Allah will give respectively the adequacy of the overflow of His
grace. And Allah is All-Embracing (of His bounty) Wise. (4: 130)
Merits of Islam than other religions is in its ability to
provide solutions for the fact that occur in the family or community.
Furthermore, the solution presented by Islam is not stiff and dry that delivers
men to a stalemate. Islam provided a way out with good, flexible and can be
implemented incrementally so well by adherents.
One problem faced by society is divorce. True, Islam
encourage the youth to get married, but at the same time prohibiting (makrooh)
to do a divorce. But in human life, it may sometimes appear that his name
divorce, when both parties are no longer able to maintain the integrity of the
household. In such circumstances, forcing them to stay together was a wrong
decision, thus even more detrimental impact, not only for them, but even worse
is the impact received by their children.
It gave an opportunity to divorce their husbands and
wives who are no longer able to defend their domestic lives with a few
conditions. Moreover, Islam reminded them of failure in marriage can not make
them give up. They should always ask for guidance and hope to Allah SWT. With
meaning, they still tried to form a new family back, good to get married again,
or refer back to the former wife. Because the grace of God is not limited only
to past lives.
B. Definition of Divorce
According to Spanier and Thompson (1984) divorce is a
reaction to the marriage relationship is not going well and is not a
disagreement regarding the marriage of the board, while Ahrons and Rodgers (in
Carter & Mc Goldrick, 1981) is a disorder of divorce on the family life
cycle, which can cause deep feelings and loss of family members.
Divorce is a legal marriage relationship rupture and
permanent. This legal action will affect custody of the child, the rights of
parents visit, division of property and child allowances. Divorce is usually
preceded by conflicts between husband and wife is a complex process that
initialize the various mood swings, psychological and environment (King, 1992).
Divorce is break the bonds of marriage between husband
and wife with the decision of the court and there is enough reason to believe
that between husband and wife can not have fellowship with one another as
husband and wife (Soemiyati, 1982:12).
Goode ssedikit looking different. He argues that the view
that considers the divorce was a "failure" is predicated bias kaena
solely basing marriage on romantic love.
According Handoko divorce for children is the "mark
of death" the integrity of the family, it's like half of "self"
child is lost, life will never be the same again after their parents divorced
and they have to accept sadness and a deep sense of loss.
According to Sayyid Sabiq, divorce comes from the word
"Ithlaq" means releasing or leaving the child. In religious terms, it
means releasing the bonds of marriage divorce.
Based on the description above can be summed up the
meaning of divorce as a legal marital relationship rupture caused the marriage
relationship is not going well which is usually preceded by conflicts between
husband and wife, which in turn initiate the changes in emotional,
psychological, environmental and family members and can lead to a feeling deep.
C. Stenberg Love Theory in
Psychology Perspective
Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence
phenomenal classify love as one of the basic emotions of human beings, coupled
with other basic emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, pleasure, surprise,
annoyance, and embarrassment. This indicates that all people are basically the
desire to love and be loved.
Even in theory belong to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of
Needs, the need to love and be loved is the third level, under the necessity of
self-actualization and self-worth or self-esteem, shows how important the
existence of a feeling of love in human life.
According to Santrock (1995), Love can be classified into
four forms of love, that is altruism, friendship, romantic or passionate love
and passionate love or friendship. At this time the feeling of love is more
than just a passion or romance, but an affection - a soulful love and
affection. Love in adults is expressed in the form of a concern for others.
early adults are better able to engage in a relationship together, where they
shared their life with an intimate partner.
In connection with the love that is affection, Robert J.
Sternberg (1993) proposed a theory of love known as "the triangular theory
of love" to the effect that love has three main forms, namely passion - a
love based on physical attraction and sexual partner; intimacy - love is based
more on emotional feelings, and the commitment of love that is based more on
cognitive assessment and our intention to kepping relationship, even when faced
with a problem though.
Passion
Feelings
towards physical attraction, romantic and interest in sex. Physical elements of
passion is characterized by the stimulation of bodily high: when you feel the
passion, the beating of your heart beat faster, you feel excited and also feel
there is sexual stimulation. The existence of passion was caused dynamics of
love between two individuals of the opposite sex because they feel sexually
excited on her life partner. In romantic relationships, physical attraction and
sexual one important thing to sustain the integrity of love.
Intimacy
An
affective element which encourages individuals to always emotional closeness
with loved ones. This impulse causes inidvidu mingle more familiar, warm,
cherish, respect, and trust yag partner loves. Self-disclosure and intimate
communication is important. Sternberg believes that this component is basically
the same in every relationship romantic love, child, or friend. Initmacy
including the welfare and pleasure each other.
Commitment
Is
a cognitive boost that encourages individual retains a love affair with his
beloved spouse. Commitments in the short term only a decision to love someone
else while in the long term commitment to maintain that love. True commitment
is a commitment that comes from within that will never fade / fade despite
facing many obstacles, temptations, or a severe test in the course of his love
life. Commitment will be seen by the efforts of the act of love (love behavior)
is likely to increase the sense of trust, a sense of welcome, feel valued, and
feel loved her life partner. Thus, the commitment to strengthen and perpetuate
the life of love to the end. Death that separates these relationships.
This is a Triangular Theory of Love by Stenberg
Furthermore Sternberg argues that if there is only
passion in the relationship, without the intimacy and commitment, then there is
only passion. Conversely, if the relationship has the intimacy and commitment,
but little passion or no, then there is love that is affection or camaraderie.
It is often found in couples who have developed relationships for years. But,
if there is only passion and commitment then it is called as "fatuous
love" (love silly). So the most powerful type of love is called the
"Consummate love" (perfect love) only if all three support each other
and have the same portion in establishing the meaning of true love to your
partner.
D. The Case Study of Divorce
Titi
Sjuman (Kantik/detiKHOT)
Jakarta - Pada 31 Januari
lalu, aktris Titi Sjuman diam-diam menggugat cerai suaminya, Wong Aksan ke
Pengadilan Agama Jakarta Selatan. Titi pun akhirnya buka suara soal
perceraiannya itu.
Perbedaan prinsip lah yang membuat rumah tangga yang telah mereka
jalin selama delapan tahun itu retak. Ia kini sudah merasa tidak sejalan lagi
dengan sang suami.
"Seiring jalannya waktu, kita ada di titik yang nggak bisa di jalan yang sama lagi. Makanya kita putuskan untuk berpisah," ujar Titi yang berusaha tegar saat ditemui
"Seiring jalannya waktu, kita ada di titik yang nggak bisa di jalan yang sama lagi. Makanya kita putuskan untuk berpisah," ujar Titi yang berusaha tegar saat ditemui
di Gedung Trans TV, Jakarta Selatan, Sabtu (9/2/2013).
"Pada intinya tidak ada pasangan suami istri yang sengaja menikah
untuk bercerai, ini terjadi sama saya dan mas Aksan. Di sini tidak ada yang
salah atau benar, yang ada adalah prinsip yang tidak sama di antara kita yang
menyebabkan kita di titik ini," tambahannya.
Titi dan Aksan menikah pada 15 Agustus 2004. Rencananya, sidang
cerai perdana mereka akan digelar pada hari Valentine, Kamis, 14 Februari 2013.
E.
Case Analysis
In a letter an nisa’ paragraph 130 may be taken that
lesson No stalemate in the life of a Muslim. When forgiveness, peace and piety
are not able to maintain family unity, Islam gives the final settlement of the
divorce. Not all divorces are bad. How many husbands going to kill his wife and
vice versa because each one is not able to live together.
As was the case in households with Wong Aksan Sjuman
Titi, they were not able to save more of their household that they build for
nearly 8 years. They choose the path of divorce because they have different principle,
they do not blame what is wrong and what is right so they decided to live his
life alone. As we know that the bonds of love according to Stenberg should be
based on three main forms, namely passion, intimacy and commitment. The three
main forms must have a good correlation in the relationship because if there is
only passion, without the intimacy and commitment, then there is only passion.
Conversely, if the relationship has the intimacy and commitment, but little
passion or no, then there is love that is affection or camaraderie. So the most
powerful type of love is called the "Consummate love" (perfect love)
only if all three support each other and have the same portion in establishing
the meaning of true love to your partner.
However, to establish and maintain it is not easy in the
marriage bond. That is why Islam provides opportunities for divorce to the
husband and wife who are no longer able to sustain their domestic life with
some reservations. And must remain asked you for guidance and hope to God
Almighty. By way of reshaping the new family, either by getting married again,
or re-refer to the former wife. God's grace is not limited to the past life.
F. References
Desmita. 2010. Psikologi Perkembangan. Bandung. PT
Remaja Rosda Karya.
Goode.
J., William. 2004. Sosiologi keluarga, (di-Indonesiakan oleh Lailahanoum
Hasyim). Jakarta: Bumi Aksara.
Ihromi, T. O. 2004. Bunga Rampai Sosiologi Keluarga. Jakarta:
Yayasan Obor.
Santrock, John W. 2002. Life-Span Development Perkembangan Masa Hidup. Jakarta: PT gelora
Aksara Pratama .
Soemiyati. 1982. Hukum
Perkawinan Islam dan UUP (Undang-Undang Nomor 1 Tahun 1974 tentang Perkawinan).
Yogyakarta: Liberty.
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