DIVORCE
(Definition, Causes, Impacts and How to Prevent It)
By : Devi Tri Wahyuningtiyas (11410072)
A. DEFINITION OF DIVORCE
In the last 5 years, the divorce rate in Indonesia increased by
more than 40%. About 2 million couples get married each year and about 200,000
couples divorce each year. This figure is 10% from the marriage itself.
Generally occur in marriages that are young (under 5 years). The highest
divorce reason is disharmony.
Divorce seems to play a role in everyone's life today. Divorce, in
many cases, is not the result of a bad marriage. Divorce is the result of not
properly preparing the wedding. Many people enter marriage with unrealistic
expectations so shocked at what they face in marriage. Preparation is the
knowledge of the intended marriage and the things they will face in marriage.
The things that should be known and discussed before marriage, among others,
the nature and habits of couples, customs and values in families spouse, financial management pattern couples, couples
and families view the tasks and role of the husband / wife, views on marriage
and couples commitment, sexual problems, as well as patterns of communication
and conflict management are owned by the couple.
Understanding Divorce is a divorce or separation living life
between husband and wife as a result of their failure to carry out the role of
each bond. In this case divorce is seen as the end of a marriage instability
where spouses live apart and then officially recognized by the applicable law
(Erna, 1999). Divorce is the breaking of families because one or both partners
mutually decide to leave so they stopped doing his duty as a husband and wife.
Divorce is the legal breakup of marriage and permanent. The legal action would
affect the custody of children, visitation rights of the parents, the division
of property and child support. Divorce is usually preceded by a conflict
between the couple is a complex process that started many changes in emotional,
psychological and environmental (King, 1992).
Divorce according to the law of marriage
Divorce occurs when both parties both husband and wife are both
undergoing feel mismatch in the household. Law No. 1 of 1974 does not provide a
definition of marriage divorce in particular. Article 39 paragraph (2) of the
Marriage Law and the class description states that a divorce can be done if in
accordance with the reasons that have been determined. Definition of divorce in
the religious courts, views of marriage breakdown. The breakdown of marriage in
UUP described, namely:
1. because death
2.
since divorce
3. because of the disruption court
In sociology, there is a theory of exchange that saw marriage as a
process of exchange between the rights and obligations as well as appreciation
and loss that occurs between a husband and wife. Because marriage is a process
of integration of the two individuals who live and stay together, while the
socio-cultural background, their desires and needs are different, then the
exchange process in this marriage should always be negotiated and agreed.
Conditions Toward Divorce
The circumstances leading up to the divorce that begins the
negotiation process between spouses resulting in the couple can no longer
produce an agreement that would satisfy both parties. As though they can no
longer find a good solution for both of them. The feelings then cause enmity
and hatred between the two sides that make the relationship between husband and
wife become increasingly distant.
This condition progressively eliminate the praise and awards given
to the husband or wife when the award is a compliment and emotional support
that is needed in a marriage. This resulted in the marital relationship and the
deteriorated further and further away. They are more difficult to talk and
discuss and negotiate with all the problems that need to find a way out. Each
side then feel that their partner as someone else. As a result there will be a
divorce (Scanzoni and Scanzoni, 1981)
B. FACTORS - FACTORS THAT CAUSE A DIVORCE
In a perceraiansering we meet a lot of factors - factors or the
cause of the divorce itself. In this paper we find several factors or peneyebab
of divorce, including:
Disharmony in the household: The reason for the above is the reason
most often advanced by the husband - wife were getting a divorce. Disharmony
can be caused by many things, among others, the financial crisis, moral crisis,
and the third person. In other words, the term harmony is all too common to
require a more detailed breakdown.
Failed communication: Communication is the most important thing in
a relationship. If you and your partner communicate less or not suitable in
this issue, it can lead to a lack of understanding and lead to a fight. If your
communication and your partner are not repaired, is not likely to lead to
divorce.
Infidelity:
Cheating is another cause of divorce. Before stepping into marriage, it helps
you and your partner and holds a strong commitment to maintain harmonious
relations.
Domestic
violence (domestic violence): domestic violence is not only leave physical
injury but also psychological. Therefore get to know your partner well before
deciding to marry him. Do not be embarrassed to report that you are
experiencing domestic violence on the nearest person or body protection.
Crisis
of morals and character: In addition to the above, divorce is often based on
moral and moral crisis, which could hitherto neglected responsibility either by
the husband or wife, polygamy, unhealthy, and other behavioral vices performed
either by the husband or the wife, ie drunk, engaged crime.
Adultery:
In addition, other problems that can result in divorce is adultery, which is
sexual relations outside of marriage are performed either by the husband or
wife.
Loveless
marriage: the case of this one factor usually occurs because the demands of
parents who require child marriages have been determined, so after undergoing
ark households often the couple did not have a match. In addition, for this
reason often put forward by the husband and wife, to end a marriage that is
that their marriage has lasted without based on the love. To overcome the
difficulties due to a loveless marriage, couples need reflection to understand
the real problems, also should attempt to try to create cooperation in making
the best decision.
Early
marriage: Married at a young age are more vulnerable in the event of divorce.
This is because young couples are not ready to face the difficulties of married
life and their egos are still high.
Economic
issues: Level requirement in today's economy forcing both partners must work to
meet the economic needs of the family, so it is often the difference in income
or salary to make each pair at loggerheads, especially if the husband does not
have a job that causes couples to be unable to meet the material needs family,
so decided to leave.
Change
the culture of modern-day, if the first divorce taboo has now become a trend
and lifestyle many couples.
The
existence of problems in marriage: In a marriage surely will not be separated
from the name issue. Problems in the marriage that is a normal thing, but a
protracted dispute and can not be reconciled longer automatically followed with
separate beds.
Descent:
Child is a dream for every couple, but not all couples are able to give
offspring, one possible cause of infertility in one partner, so make a
harmonious household becomes.
C. IMPACT OF DIVORCE
Divorce is not always negative, but also not a positive thing.
Divorce can have an impact - its impacts, including:
Child victims
Children are the victims most injured when his parents decided to
divorce. Children can feel the fear of losing their father or mother figure,
fear of losing the love of parents who do not live at home now. They may also
feel guilty and think of themselves as the cause. Children's achievement in
school or they will drop out more frequently to be alone.
The kids are a little bigger can also feel squeezed between their
mother and father. One or both parents may have separated suspicious that the
former spouse is affecting the child to hate. Constructing these children can
go awry, so they do not open include the major problems encountered when they
were teenagers. To escape the bad, the kids can get involved in bad
relationships, drugs, or other negative things that can hurt.
Also according to Leslie (1967), the reaction of children to
parental divorce depends on their assessment prior to the marriage of their
parents as well as a sense of security in the family. It is known that more
than half of the children who come from unhappy families showed reaction that
divorce is the best for her family. Whereas children who come from a happy
family more than half expressed sorrow and perplexity at the divorce of their
parents. Leslie (1967) suggested that children whose parents divorce often
suffer life, particularly in terms of financial and emotional loss of a sense
of security in the family.
Another noticeable impact of divorce is increasing "feeling
close" to the child's mother and the father declining emotional distance.
This occurs when a child is in the care and treatment of the mother. In
addition children with divorced parents feel embarrassed by the divorce. They
become inferior to other children. Therefore they often lie and say that their
parents are not divorced or even avoid questions about their parents' divorce.
The effects of divorce are felt by children
Children
have a variety of feelings he experienced the divorce of his parents, among
others:
Unsafe (insecurity)
Not
diingikan or rejected by their parents who went (with whom he co-dependent)
a.
Sad
b.
Lonely
c.
Angry
d.
Loss
e.
Feel
guilty and blame themselves
The effects of divorce can be manifested in the form of behavior:
a.
Tantrums, being rude and aggressive action.
b.
Be silent, no longer cheerful and sociable.
c. Difficulty concentrating and lack
of interest in school work so that school achievement tends to decline.
d.
Especially dreamy imagining their parents will reunite.
Impact for older people
Besides the children, the parents of the couple are divorced may
also be affected by the decision to divorce. As parents, they may be afraid
that their children will suffer because of divorce or divorce feel
uncomfortable with people gossip.
Some parents of couples who divorce end up having to help raise
their grandchildren because of the inability of spouses to meet their
children's needs.
a.
Financial
Disaster
If before the divorce, the husband as the breadwinner after your
divorce will have no income at all, especially if your ex-spouse does not
provide benefits. Or if the income comes from you and your partner, now after a
divorce, your money income is reduced. If you get custody of the child, you are
also responsible to bear the cost of your child's life. Remember, after a
divorce, many families generally decreased standard of living by more than 50
percent.
b.
Parenting
issues
After the divorce, it means you now have to run a dual role as
father and also as a mother. This is not easy because there are many other
things you should think about himself. Moreover, if the child has entered
adolescence challenging, you need to make sense of discipline to keep or give
the child to grow into a good boy.
Another problem in terms of parenting is when I have to share
custody of the child with a partner because you may still feel hurt by your ex
treatment so hard to be fair. The things that should be discussed, such as
education or discipline the child may be able to cause an argument because they
do not see eye to eye and heart pain can make it worse.
c.
Emotional
disturbances
It is natural that after a divorce you still keep the love juice on
your ex-spouse. You hope to live to be old solo run aground, this can cause an
enormous sense of disappointment that painful. You may also fear if no one is
going to love you again or fear abandoned again later on.
Other feelings that may be experienced is the feeling humiliated or
feeling angry and upset due to bad attitude mate. You also may feel lonely
because there is no more place to share your stories, and get where you pour
affection shapes. A series of health problems can also be caused due to
depression because of divorce.
d.
Dangers
of second adolescence
Newly divorced couples often experience a second adolescence. They
taste a new freedom to pursue a relationship with a series of goals to raise
the self-esteem to fall or break it. This could lead to new problems are worse
and tragic as well not considering the steps taken.
D. PREVENTING DIVORCE
There
are some tips that we can consider, when we were on the verge of households
divorce. Here are some of them:
1.
Find the Source
There is smoke there must be fire. Similarly, domestic life. The
decision to divorce is certainly not without cause. Therefore, look for the
source of this. If the source of the problem is to be found, try to settle the
fine. Because each issue would have a way out.
Whatever the source of the problems that divorce decisions to be
taken, you should consider carefully. Because, if we've found the source of the
problem, then the right decisions will be taken, whether to forward the
decision to divorce, or not.
2.
Introspection
If you already know the cause why you or your husband wants a
divorce, try to berintropeksi. It is often hard to do. Because, each partner
must feel he is right. They could never accept that they are the base for the
emergence of intentions for divorce. Perhaps, honestly you are ashamed to admit
your shortcomings, but try to answer honestly to yourself that your partner is
saying is true. While there is still time, why do not you try to fix it from
now? Of course, the husband had to do the same. It could be, is that making
marriage became shaky and out of sync again.
3.
Do not raise issues
If you and your husband are out the source of the commotion and
conflict in the household, you should not magnify the problem. Also, do not
look for new problems. Because, this will disturb the atmosphere. If you are
aware of the shortcomings that exist, there is no harm in asking for
forgiveness. No need to be ashamed and try to be a good wife to her husband as
expected. Try to find the best possible solution.
4.
Temporary separation
Although it seems really bad, this could be the best way to avoid
divorce. Separated for a while will help the spouses to reassure themselves
while assessing what decision should be taken. Why should split the house?
Because the two hearts together is hot, you should not see every day. If every
day meet, which happens not improved, it will be even hotter. I could have
continued to fuss and no common ground. Covered each day will definitely return
to the issue, that's all. You could for example "refuge" used to
house the elderly, while her husband first moved into the house while her
parents. Separation will help cool down the house is heated, so that you and
your husband can think clearly.
5.
Communication
Regardless, communication is the foundation of a relationship,
including the relationship in marriage. Without communication, the relationship
will not survive. So, no matter how serious the situation you are currently
facing, you should still do the communication with a partner. Even after you
and your husband are both living apart, try to keep in touch. Try to discuss
with, what is the best step you can both do to avoid divorce, to maintain
mahligai household. Not easy to do, but if you two have split up for a while,
perhaps the heat has passed, so that both of you are ready to communicate. Do
not feel embarrassed or ashamed to contact each other.
6.
Involve the family
If fact, the couple is not able to communicate or have always tried
to avoid, try to involve family members who are close to him. Parent, brother
or uncle for example. Anyway, who do you think you could talk to. Of course,
you do not ever cover the root of the problem right there and then, but
straight at all. Tell me also, what did you lack or shortage husband. Who
knows, these mediators can soften your hearts and your partner, as well as find
solutions to re-unite.
7.
Find friends vent
Facing divorce will certainly make your mind worse, work neglected
and confused what to do. Well, this uncomfortable condition can you cope when
you can share with people nearby, friends for example. By sharing, load your
mind will feel lighter. That must be observed, do not look for friends who
confide in the opposite sex. Find a friend to confide same sex. Because, when
you tell stories, express your off steam on a male friend, he would not
necessarily fully support you to get back together with her husband. It could
be that he even tease you, and if you end up really tempted, who ended up new
problems arise.
8.
Remember the children
Children usually become most powerful weapon to reduce the conflict
between husband and wife. So, if it is between you and your husband wants a
divorce ¬ together, try to remember your children, the fruit of love you and
your husband. Remember that they still need you and your husband. Do they have
to be the victim of his parents' divorce because of selfishness? Then, after
you get divorced, where and to whom they should participate, you or your
husband? If you love them, rethink the decision.
9.
Leave aside personal ego
If you really still want the integrity of the household,
immediately throw away the ego that is within you. Do not feel myself always
right and cornering sealu couples, as well as better. Realize that what
terajadi now is your fault and your husband. Even if there has been heartache
tucked, try to forgive each other.
10.
Be true to yourself
Be honest with yourself, are you prepared mentally to part forever
with her husband? Divorce is not as easy as imagined. Split the quiet life. Not
forever divorce make life happy. Could be just the opposite, more crushed. A
lot of problems later on that long tails. Start children, treasure Gono-gini up
inter-relationships are not harmonious families participated. So think again if
you want to take this decision. In addition to be honest, you also have to put
forward ratios. Women usually are more likely to use feelings, but for the
matter of this weight should not just feelings. Consider true, what is the
impact for you and your family if the divorce is really happening.
11.
Many pray
Many pray and get closer to the Almighty can help your problem. Ask
for guidance from Him. With increasingly devoted himself closer and, God
willing, your prayers will be answered
12.
Open a new chapter
If you and your husband can finally get back in harmony, then you
should be ready to open a new chapter with her husband. Do not ever bring up
issues and causes you both ever intend to divorce. Once you bring up, you may
eventually be completely divorced. The most important thing is to remind each
other and improve the existing deficiencies.
If
the divorce decision is taken, you should consider the future of the children.
Do not let that happen to be a hell of divorce for children.
QS.Al-Baqarah ayat 231 : Divorce
وَإِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَآءَ فَبَلَغْنَ
أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْسَرِّحُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَلاَ
تُمْسِكُوهُنَّ ضِرَارًا لِّتَعْتَدُوا وَمَن يَفْعَلْ ذَلِكَ فَقَدْ ظَلَمَ
نَفْسَهُ وَلاَ تَتَّخِذُوا ءَايَاتِ اللهِ هُزُوًا وَاذْكُرُوا نِعْمَتَ اللهِ
عَلَيْكُمْ وَمَآأَنزَلَ عَلَيْكُم مِّنَ الْكِتَابِ وَالْحِكْمَةِ يَعِظُكُم بِهِ
وَاتَّقُوا اللهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللهَ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيم 231
"When
you divorce your wives, and they reach their prescribed term, then rujukilah
them in a way that is right, or they divorce the way ma'ruf (anyway). Retain
them for ye shall not give any harm, because then you mistreat them. Anyone who
does so, then indeed he has done injustice to itself. Ye shall not make the
laws of God game, and remember the favor of Allah unto you the Book and
Al-Hikmah. God is teaching us what is revealed to you in His. And bertaqwalah
to God, and know that Allah is Aware of all things. "(QS.Al-Baqarah: 231)
REAL EXAMPLES :
Katon Bagaskara dan Ira Wibowo Cerai 2012
TEMPO.CO, Jakarta - Pasangan
artis Katon Bagaskara dan Ira Wibowo dikabarkan sudah resmi bercerai pada akhir
2012. "Iya benar. Putusan perkara tanggal 18 Desember 2012," kata
juru bicara Pengadilan Negeri Jakarta Utara, Mangapul Girsang, saat dihubungi,
Jumat, 8 Maret 2013.
Mangapul mengatakan Ira sebagai pihak yang menggugat cerai. Gugatan telah didaftarkan di PN Jakarta Utara pada 25 September 2012. "Mereka berdua tidak pernah datang, hanya kuasa hukum saja," katanya.
Soal apa penyebab keretakan rumah tangga itu, Mangapul enggan menjelaskannya. Dia hanya mengatakan Katon dan Ira sudah tidak sepaham. "Enggak ada pihak ketiga. Cekcok hanya mereka yang tahu," ujarnya.
Kabar perceraian ini tentu mengejutkan publik. Selain tak tercium oleh media, rumah tangga mereka berdua terkesan adem ayem meski berbeda keyakinan. Dari pernikahan yang mulai dibangun 28 Oktober 1996 itu, Ira dan Katon dikarunia dua orang anak, Andhika Radya Bagaskara dan Mario Arya Bagaskara.
Sampai sekarang, Katon dan Ira belum memberikan konfirmasi terkait dengan kabar perceraiannya. Katon lewat akun Twitter @katonbagaskara membenarkah ia sudah bercerai. "Kami sdh pisah resmi.Mhn maaf,mhn tenang.Kami msh tetap akrab spt kakak adik. Bagaimanapun Ira tetap ibu dr Anak2ku.GBU:)"..
Mangapul mengatakan Ira sebagai pihak yang menggugat cerai. Gugatan telah didaftarkan di PN Jakarta Utara pada 25 September 2012. "Mereka berdua tidak pernah datang, hanya kuasa hukum saja," katanya.
Soal apa penyebab keretakan rumah tangga itu, Mangapul enggan menjelaskannya. Dia hanya mengatakan Katon dan Ira sudah tidak sepaham. "Enggak ada pihak ketiga. Cekcok hanya mereka yang tahu," ujarnya.
Kabar perceraian ini tentu mengejutkan publik. Selain tak tercium oleh media, rumah tangga mereka berdua terkesan adem ayem meski berbeda keyakinan. Dari pernikahan yang mulai dibangun 28 Oktober 1996 itu, Ira dan Katon dikarunia dua orang anak, Andhika Radya Bagaskara dan Mario Arya Bagaskara.
Sampai sekarang, Katon dan Ira belum memberikan konfirmasi terkait dengan kabar perceraiannya. Katon lewat akun Twitter @katonbagaskara membenarkah ia sudah bercerai. "Kami sdh pisah resmi.Mhn maaf,mhn tenang.Kami msh tetap akrab spt kakak adik. Bagaimanapun Ira tetap ibu dr Anak2ku.GBU:)"..
My Opinion :
I think of Bob
Marley and the IRA divorce wibowo married for 17 years because of a different
opinion or not consistent and not due to a third party. even though they are
divorced but maintained family relationships such as brother and sister. as described
in twitter Marcels "Until now, Katon and Ira has not confirmed the news
related to the divorce. Katon via Twitter account @ katonbagaskara membenarkah
she was divorced." We sdh separation resmi.Mhn sorry, MHN quiet.We msh
remain familiar spt brother and sister. Dr. Ira however remains Anak2ku.GBU
mother :) "..
of theory which I took, the divorce because there are certain
factors such as:
1.
The existence of problems in marriage: In a marriage surely will
not be separated from the name issue. Problems in the marriage that is a normal
thing, but a protracted dispute and can not be reconciled longer automatically
followed with separate beds.
1.
2.
Failed communication: Communication is the most important thing in
a relationship. If you and your partner communicate less or not suitable in
this issue, it can lead to a lack of understanding and lead to a fight. If your
communication and your partner are not repaired, is not likely to lead to
divorce.
apart from the
effects of divorce which children are victims of child victims most injured
when his parents decided to divorce. Children can feel the fear of losing their
father or mother figure, fear of losing the love of parents who do not live at
home now. They may also feel guilty and think of themselves as the cause.
Children's achievement in school or they will drop out more frequently to be
alone.
in addition to the child, impact to any parent there that
Besides the
children, the parents of the couple are divorced may also be affected by the
decision to divorce. As parents, they may be afraid that their children will
suffer because of divorce or divorce feel uncomfortable with people gossip.
Some parents of couples who divorce end up having to help raise
their grandchildren because of the inability of spouses to meet their
children's needs.
I think a
wedding should (commitment until death) if there is a problem then it should be
reconsidered in order to avoid a divorce for example:
a.
Introspection
b.
Do not raise issues
c.
Temporary separation
d.
Communication
e.
Involve the family
f.
Remember the children
g.
Leave aside personal ego
h.
Be true to yourself
i.
Many pray
j.
Open a new chapter
k.
Find the Source
DAFTAR PUSTAKA
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