Mid-Semester Exam Task English II Course
Theme: Divorce
Alaiya Choiril Mufidah / 11410039
DIVORCE
1.Ayat
وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِنْ بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا
فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَنْ يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا ۚ وَالصُّلْحُ
خَيْرٌ ۗ وَأُحْضِرَتِ الْأَنْفُسُ الشُّحَّ ۚ وَإِنْ تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا
فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا
Meaning:
And if a woman fears nushuz or indifference of her husband, then why not
for them to make peace in truth, and peace was better (for them) although
miserly man in his nature. And if you hang out with your wife well and maintain
yourself (from nushuz and indifference), then surely Allah is Aware of what you
do.(An-nisaa’-128)
Hadits Bukhari 4235
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ مُقَاتِلٍ
أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ أَخْبَرَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ عُرْوَةَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ
عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا { وَإِنْ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِنْ بَعْلِهَا
نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا } قَالَتْ الرَّجُلُ تَكُونُ عِنْدَهُ الْمَرْأَةُ
لَيْسَ بِمُسْتَكْثِرٍ مِنْهَا يُرِيدُ أَنْ يُفَارِقَهَا فَتَقُولُ أَجْعَلُكَ
مِنْ شَأْنِي فِي حِلٍّ فَنَزَلَتْ هَذِهِ الْآيَةُ فِي ذَلِكَ
This verse about a man who had a wife, but he did not love her too much and
give the woman the right, until he wanted to part from him without mentalaknya.
Then he said; You will remain kosher with me. Then this verse came down.
2.According to the definition of Al-qur’an and Psychology
Understanding divorce according to islam:
wife's release from the marriage bond has a certain waiting period if the
waiting period so that the husband does not refer iddahnya expires then no
longer lawful marital relationship except with a new marriage contract.So
divorce is marriage breakdown due to deliberate intent by the husband or wife
had consciously or not.
Divorce by psychology : divorce as a
legal marriage breakup caused the marriage relationship is not going well is
usually preceded by a conflict between the couple, which in turn initiate
various changes in emotional, psychological, environmental and family members
and can lead to deep feelings.
3.Relation to PsychologicalTheory
Type - Type Divorce
Divorce by type can be divided into 2,
namely:
Divorced
Divorce is the separation of the couple
or the end of a marriage recognized by law or legal. Emery (1999) defines life
divorce is the separation of married couples or marriage ended krena not reach
agreement on the issues of life.Divorce is done because there is no other way
in which to save their marriage.
Widowed
Divorced death is the death of one of the
spouses and the parties should be left alone to live their lives (Emery, 1999).
One of life's most painful experiences that may be faced by a person is the
death of a loved spouse.
Benaim (in Ulfasari, 2006) said that the
death of a spouse for a woman will feel more painful than men, because it was a
man who left his partner dead faster tend to forget or to fix the problem and
choose to remarry. In contrast to the woman who left her husband dead will
generally have a more complex problem. They should think of the source
problems, financial resources for life and also for their children.
Causes of Divorce
According to Newman & Newman (1984)
there are four factors that contributed to the divorce, namely:
a. Age at marriage
In the U.S., the divorce rate is high
among couples who married before the age of 20 years.
b. Income levels
Divorce rates in populations that have
low income and education levels seem to be more likely than those that exist
among the upper middle.
c. Differences in socio-emotional
development among partner
Women reported experiencing more stress
and adjustment problems in a marriage than men. Marital satisfaction also
depends on the qualities of the husband; such as: stability of masculine
identity, marital happiness of parents, education level, and social status.
d. Family history related to divorce
There is some evidence to suggest that
children from divorced families tend to experience a divorce in his home life.
Another reason generally be filed by the
husband to divorce his wife is a wife's health condition, his character is
lazy, and his unwillingness to work serving the needs of the husband.
Meanwhile, deemed a legitimate reason for a wife to be able to break away from
the bonds of marriage with her husband generally in the form of neglect by her
husband, or by the cruel treatment of her husband.
Conflict, communication delays, loss of
confidence and hatred is a very influential early stages where the structures
to be collapsed marriage and divorce motivation began to emerge (Turner &
Helms, 1983).
A failed marriage, among others, the
inability of the couple to solve their problems (lack of 2-way communication),
mutual jealousy, dissatisfaction services husband / wife, a lack of mutual
understanding and trust, less able to establish good relationships with partner
families, feel less with earned income, each demanding and selfish (Gunarsa,
1999).
The presence of a third party in a
household indicates a failure to develop and refine the love between husband
and wife that lead to marriage breakdown (Hadiwardoyo, 1990).
According to Fauzi (2006) the reasons for
divorce are:
a. Disharmony in marriage
Disharmony is often stated reason for
couples wishing to divorce. Ketidakhrmonisan caused can be caused by many
things, among others, the incompatibility of outlook, moral crisis,
disagreements are difficult to put together and others.
b. Moral and moral crisis
Divorce also often gained ground in the
form of moral crisis and the moral responsibility of such neglect both husbands
and wives, polygamy is not healthy, persecution, harassment and other behaviors
such as drunken ugliness-drunk, involved a crime, even debts.
c. Adultery
Occurrence of adultery is sex outside of
marriage is performed both husband and wife is the cause of divorce. In the
Indonesian marriage law, adultery is inserted into one end of the article which
could result percereaian.
e. Marriage without love
Another reason often put forward either
by the husband or wife to end a marriage is that their marriage has lasted
without based on the existence of love.
Divorce forms and Stages
Divorce became one of the most painful
issues and complicate one's life. This is because divorce exposes a person to a
number of processes and decision-making are essential.
Bohannon (in Fitria, 2004) noted a number
of forms and stages of divorce which must be passed by someone, namely:
Emotional divorce is an early issue of
marriage began to deteriorate. This form of divorce is a very influential early
stage where the structure of a collapsing marriage and divorce motivation to
start appearing. Behaviors that appear diantanya is conflict, communication
delays, loss of confidence, and hatred.
Legal divorce complaint requires
institutions to break the bonds of marriage. Couples usually experience relief,
if the divorce has been legally decided where various emotional expression will
appear at this stage.
Divorce Economics showed on stage where
the couple has decided to split their wealth and their possessions. At this
stage it is often necessary because a mediator is usually two couples showed
the reaction of hatred, anger, and hostility associated with the distribution
of wealth.
Divorce between the parents are pleased
with the fourth stage of parenting issues. Perhaatian concerns and the impact
of divorce on children often appear in this stage.
Community divorce shows that the social
status of the individual in relation to change. Many divorced individuals who
feel that they are isolated and kesepain.
Psychic divorce relating to regain
individual autonomy. Change of circumstances which pairs a solitary individual,
requiring readjustment of roles and mental adjustment.
The first reaction is raised by the
individual in the face of divorce generally is a reaction - an emotional
reaction. The reaction appears to form the denial of the reality of divorce and
anger that culminated in depression. Individuals in the end agreed to a
divorce, just as the fact that divorce is the best decision on maintaining the
marriage was not harmonious.
Impact of Divorce
1. Traumatic
Any changes will lead to stress in people
who experience such changes. A family adapting to the changes that occur, such
as moving house or the birth of a baby and other small mess, but the rift in
the family can cause emotional wounds deep and it took many years for healing
(Tomlinson & Keasey , 1985).
Hurlock (1996) traumatic impact of divorce
is usually greater than the impact of death, because before and after the
divorce already incurred pain and emotional distress, as well as cause social
disgrace.
Stress of separation and divorce that
happened to put men and women at risk of physical and psychological distress.
(Coombs & Guttman, in Santrock. 2002). Men and women who divorced had a
higher level of likelihood of psychiatric disorders, in a mental hospital,
clinical depression, alcoholism, and psychosomatic problems, such as sleep disturbance,
of the adults who are married.
Hurlock (1996) highly influential effects
of divorce on children. In general, children whose parents are divorced feel
very wounds that have divided loyalties and they were suffering from anxiety
because of the uncertainty resulted in divorce in his family. This uncertainty
will be particularly serious if the child's safety and maintenance issues
become the bone of contention anatara father and mother, so the child will be
going back and forth between mom and dad's house.
2. Changes in Roles and Status
The most obvious effect of the divorce
will change the role and status of the person that husband and wife become a
widow and a widower living alone, as well as lead to a retest of their identity
(Schell & Hall, 1994). Both men mupun divorced women feel uncertain and
fuzzy after a divorce. especially for the women who divorced before her
identity is highly dependent on the husband.
This is because the people who get
divorced often assess the failure of their marriage as a personal ignorance.
They try to integrate marriages to their personal definitions of masculinity or
femininity, their ability to love someone, and their aspirations for their role
as husband, wife, father, mother of the children.
After a divorce, men and women will be
stalled in sexual intercourse on a regular basis. For men usually can
menyelesaikn problem with a sexual relationship with another woman or
cohabiting. While widows who have children often have difficulty in solving
sexual problems.
According to Campbell (in Schell &
Hall, 1994) that divorced people are generally less satisfied with their lives
compared with those who were married, unmarried, or even a widow / widower of
the dead. This dissatisfaction can be caused by several factors. One of them,
divorced people often judge the failure of their marriage as a personal
failure.
3. Difficult Adjustment
Losing a spouse to death or divorce cause
problems for the couple themselves. It is more difficult, especially for women.
Woman divorced by her husband will experience profound loneliness. For women
who are divorced, social problems are more difficult to overcome than for
divorced men. Because divorced women tend excluded from social activities, and
worse Overarching often abandoned by his old friends. But if a man who is
divorced or widowed will experience chaos lifestyle (Hurlock, 1996)
Some individuals, could never adjust to
divorce. The individual reacts to divorce from depression and sadness are very
deep, even in some cases, to the point of suicide. However, not all couples who
divorce end it with hostility. Some of them still remain friends and maintain
relationships with other parties through similar interests to her children.
Hozman and Froiland (in Hurlock, 1996)
describes the difficulty and complexity of adjustment after a divorce. They
split the 5 stages of adjustment after the adjustment is
Denying that there is a divorce,Anger
arise where individuals do not want to get involved with each other,By reasons
of their children trying not to get divorced,They are mentally depressed when
they know the result of the overall divorce against my family,And finally they
agreed to divorce.
The effects of divorce are particularly
influential in children. This fact is often overlooked by couples wishing to
divorce (Papalia & Diane, 2001). Divorce causes adjustment problems for
children. This divorce situation, especially if the children see that the lives
of his family during this very happy, may be a situation that disrupt
cognitive.
Time when divorce occurs is a critical
period for children, especially regarding relationships with parents living
together. At this time the child must begin to adapt to the new changes in his
life. Adaptation process generally takes time. At first the children would be
difficult to accept the fact that his parents are not together anymore.
However, many women and men who feel
lucky with the divorce, with the understanding that the divorce is giving them
the opportunity to start a new life (Hurlock, 1996). Hetherington and colleagues
(Hurlock, 1996), explains that the couple were divorced in general expect
reduced pressure and inner conflicts can enjoy greater freedom and happiness
will find yourself. Studies about the effects of divorce on family members
carry an enormous impact, especially in the first year after the divorce then
gradually the adjustments to the various problems that exist in the family.
4.Analysis and Commentary
Most divorces occur because of a mismatch
in the household, divorce is bad for children divorce is bad for children,If
the divorce decision is taken, you should consider the future of the children.
Do not let that happen to be a hell of divorce for children.There are some tips
that we can consider, when we were on the verge of households divorce. Here are
some of them:1. Find the Source,Whatever the source of the problems that
divorce decisions to be taken, you should consider carefully. Because, if we've
found the source of the problem, then the right decisions will be taken,
whether to forward the decision to divorce, or not.2. Introspection,Try to
berintropeksi. 3. Do not raise issues, Do not look for new problems. Because,
this will disturb the atmosphere. If you are aware of the shortcomings that
exist, there is no harm in asking for forgiveness. No need to be ashamed and
try to be a good wife to her husband as expected. Try to find the best possible
solution. 4. Temporary separation,Separated for a while will help the spouses
to reassure themselves while assessing what decision should be taken. 5.
Communication,Communication is the foundation of a relationship, including the
relationship in marriage. Without communication, the relationship will not
survive. So, no matter how serious the situation you are currently facing, you
should still do the communication with a partner. 6. Involve the family,If
fact, the couple is not able to communicate or have always tried to avoid, try
to involve family members who are close to him. Parent, brother or uncle for
example. Anyway, who do you think you could talk to. 7. Find friends vent. 8.
Remember the children,Children usually become most powerful weapon to reduce
the conflict between husband and wife. So, if it is between you and your
husband wants a divorce ¬ together, try to remember your children, the fruit of
love you and your husband. Remember that they still need you and your husband. 9.
Leave aside personal ego,If you really still want the integrity of the
household, immediately throw away the ego that is within you. Do not feel
myself always right and cornering sealu couples, as well as better. Realize
that what terajadi now is your fault and your husband. Even if there has been
heartache tucked, try to forgive each other. 10. Be true to yourself,Be honest
with yourself, are you prepared mentally to part forever with her husband?
Divorce is not as easy as imagined. Split the quiet life,11. Many pray,Many
pray and get closer to the Almighty can help your problem. Ask for guidance
from Him. With increasingly devoted himself closer and, God willing, your
prayers will be answered. 12. Open a new chapter,If you and your husband can
finally get back in harmony, then you should be ready to open a new chapter
with her husband. Do not ever bring up issues and causes you both ever intend
to divorce. Once you bring up, you may eventually be completely divorced. The
most important thing is to remind each other and improve the existing
deficiencies.
5.Case of Divorce
Pakistani Women Turn to Once-Taboo Divorce to Escape
Abuse
January 09, 2013
Maryam Suheyl, a marriage and family
therapist, meets her client to discuss marital issues at her office in Lahore
on Dec. 26, 2012. (Reuters Photo/Mohsin Raza)
Islamabad. Pakistani women are slowly turning
to divorce to escape abusive and loveless marriages, once taboo and still a
dangerous option in this strict Muslim nation even as more women become
empowered by rising employment and awareness of their rights.
But the number of women with the courage to seek divorce remains small in the
face of Pakistan’s powerful religious right and growing Islamic conservatism,
and in a male-dominated nation where few champion women’s rights.
Women are often killed while pursuing divorces, with some shot on the way home
from court or in front of their lawyers.
In the capital Islamabad, home to 1.7 million people, 557 couples divorced in
2011, up from 208 in 2002, the Islamabad Arbitration Council said. The
Pakistani government does not track a national divorce rate.
“If you are earning, the only thing you need from the guy is love and
affection. If the guy is not even providing that, then you leave him,” said
26-year-old divorcee Rabia, a reporter who left a loveless arranged marriage to
a cheating husband.
Despite their small numbers, Rabia and other women like her are seen as a
rising threat from Pakistan’s conservative forces.
“The women have been given so-called freedom and liberty, which causes danger
to themselves,” Taliban spokesman Ihsanullah Ihsan told Reuters.
There were at least 1,636 “honor killings” last year, said Pakistani rights
group The Aurat Foundation. The mere perception that a woman has behaved in a
way that “dishonors” her family is sufficient to trigger an attack.
Pashtun singer Ghazala Javed became a statistic in June. A famous beauty, she
married after fleeing Taliban threats. Then she discovered her new husband
already had a wife. When she asked for a divorce, she and her father were shot
dead.
Financial
empowerment
While women divorcing their husbands is widespread in the West, growing
markedly in the 20th century in many developed nations, it is a relatively new
phenomenon in Pakistan.
And while a divorce case in the Muslim family courts must be resolved within
six months, civil divorce cases can drag on for years, making it even harder
for tens of thousands of women from religious minorities to get a divorce.
In the commercial hub Karachi, lawyer Zeeshan Sharif said he receives several
divorce enquiries a week but virtually none a decade ago.
Women seeking a divorce usually come from the upper and middle classes, he
said. Lawyers’ fees are at least $300, a year’s wage for many of Pakistan’s 180
million citizens. For poor housewives, hiring a lawyer is impossible.
Most Pakistanis think the higher divorce rate is linked to women’s growing
financial independence, a 2010 poll by The Gilani Foundation/Gallup Pakistan
found.
The number of women with jobs grew from 5.69 million to 12.11 million over the
past decade, the Pakistan Bureau of Statistics said.
“Women are also making money now and they think if they have empowerment, they
do not need to sacrifice as much,” said Musfira Jamal, a senior member of the
religious party Jamaat-e-Islami. “God does not like divorce ... [but] God has
not given any right to any man to beat his wife or torture his family.”
In 2012, clerics and a religious party demanded a review of a bill to outlaw
domestic violence, saying it risked undermining “family values.”
Western culture, not abuse, is why women seek divorces, said Taliban spokesman
Ihsanullah Ihsan.
Yet domestic violence was one of the most common reasons for divorce, said
lawyer Aliya Malik. Around 90 percent of Pakistani women experienced domestic
violence at least once, a 2011 Thomson Reuters Foundation poll found.
Divorce
stigma
If deciding to ask for a divorce is painful, getting it granted is agonizing.
Muslim women in the subcontinent didn’t get the legal right to ask for a
divorce until the mid-1930s.
Even then, a bride had to opt in by checking a box on their marriage
certificate. A law passed in 1961 finally let women seek divorce through civil
courts if they could show their spouses were at fault, but cases can take
years.
Human rights lawyer Hina Jilani says fear remains one of the strongest
barriers. One of Jilani’s clients seeking a divorce was shot dead in front of
her by the young woman’s mother.
The public stigma, risk of violence and trauma of shepherding a case through
Pakistan’s tangled justice system is so overwhelming most women never try.
Sadia Jabbar, a bubbly, dimpled 29-year-old TV executive, struggled with
feelings of guilt and failure after she left her cheating husband.
“It was a really bad feeling, as if I had failed in the biggest decision of my
life,” she said.
The stigma of divorce also means women find it hard to remarry, and many feel
it’s easier to stay in an unhappy marriage than be alone. The difficulties
multiply when children are involved.
Court-ordered child support payments to divorced mothers in Pakistan are rare
and enforcement even rarer.
Fatima, a 31-year-old mother of two living in the eastern city of Lahore,
endured seven years of severe beatings before divorcing her husband.
“He used to slap me, push me, pull my hair. After I had injured my backbone
very badly, he slapped me while I was pregnant,” she said. Reuters is
withholding her real name for her protection.
She got her divorce but her ex-husband refused to pay child support. Unable to
get a decent job, she remarried him so he would pay their children’s school
fees. Now she sleeps behind a locked door.
“He will not give maintenance if I am not living in the house,” she said. “I
don’t want to leave [my children] alone here. They are at a very tender age. If
I could have supported them, I would have left long ago.”
Reuters
SOURCE
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